I won’t of course, though how liberal or open minded I can be. Hell, give me beer anytime and I may drink it if I want to, give me a bowl of bak kut teh and I won’t eat it no matter what.
“Okay, explain to me why beer is fine with you but not the bak kut teh?”
So asked by my non-Muslim friend, who for all I know is the greatest connoisseur of both beer and bak kut teh.
I am not so much an expert in religion (the rest of the Malay Muslims are the real expert) but I know why I can take beer anytime but not pork (beer here applies to all alcoholic drink that can make you drunk and fuck like rabbit).
The concept of beer and pork in halal and haram in Islam are different. Here is why.
Pork (and pig) is considered haram for consumption (and any physical contact, which means you can’t butt sex your piggy) in Islam because the meat (and the piggy) is considered as dirty and unhealthy.
Beer on the other hand is considered as haram for it can cause someone to loss control of his or her own self and may lead to other acts sinful in Islam.
Simple as that.
In regard to pork even some modern research done on the meat showed it is unfit and unhealthy for human consumption. But beer altogether found itself in the forbidden shelf for different reason.
The story, as per my ustaz 20 years ago, goes like this.
Millennia ago, one poor chap were tested by the Satan to commit an act of sin. There was something at stake (which I can’t remember) that forced him to commit the sinful act, so he was left with no choice. The Satan, somehow being kind enough, offered him three different sinful acts to commit:
1. Drink some beer until he is drunk
2. Fuck the sexy whore
3. Kill a non-stop crying baby
All three options presented to him in one room.
So the poor chap, after weighing all the options available, decided that drinking the beer is less sinful than the other two. So he goes for number one.
The poor chap got drunk, of course. And then he saw the sexy whore, with all the nice tits and pussy he can ram into, and he was drunk and was thinking like, what the fuck, I am drunk as fuck and I want to fuck like a rabbit.
So fuck like a rabbit he did.
By now you would know Satan is as pleased as hell and the poor chap is beginning to enjoy his ride doggying the whore until the non-stop crying baby begin to spoil his fuck-session. And he was like, what the fuck, the baby is making a lot of noise and I can’t concentrate drilling this whore.
So he picked up the non-stop crying baby and threw him to the wall, killing the non-stop crying baby.
You guessed it; Satan is as pleased as hell, double the excitement now. Poor chap finally committed all three sinful acts, by starting with what he thought the least sinful of all three.
So because of that incident beer (and what ever else that makes you drunk) is forbidden in Islam.
Sure, the story sounded stupid, but with ustaz and ustazah you know you can get some great fiction that put Steven Spielberg in shame.
So the great thirst quencher was then put on the forbidden shelf for all Muslims to wonder how tasty it is.
But of course, good deeds will be rewarded with great rewards, so said my ustaz. Fret not, what is forbidden to you today will be offered in abundance in hereafter.
In heaven you can drink and get drunk as much as you want. Go to the nearest pub in Taman Firdaus and you can you can order a six pack Heineken on the go (or make it 600 packs). River of Carslberg flow in front of your palace like the Amazon and who knows, it may rain Guinness too once in a while. I bet they even have the local breed such as Samsu and Todi for those who love the local flavour.
So that said my friend, give me beer anytime and you can have the bak kut teh for yourself.
Bak kut teh – pork rib soup
26 June 2007
Job Vacancies In Meat Processing And Food Manufacturing Industry!
But here is the catch; to apply for this job, you must not be in the Muslim faith.
The latest hoo-ha to hit our fragile harmony of multi-ethnic Malaysia is the job vacancies advertisement by Metro Kajang Holdings Berhad published in The Star newspaper on 2 June 2007. Three job vacancies for the positions of Quality Assurance Manager, Marketing Manager and Accounts Executive stated one of the requirements that “those in the Muslim faith need not apply”.
Needless to say that simple prerequisite is enough to invite all the bombardment of the local Muslims, notably Malays who are the so-called protector of the Muslim faith in Malaysia (against heretic like Lina Joy?).
An e-mail titled “Mereka Mula Mencabar” (They Have Challenged) was spread widely and calls for action to be taken against the company were voiced out in website like Harakah and Persatuan Pengguna Islam Malaysia.
None of those who voiced out their concern and dissatisfaction seems to at least investigate the reason for such prerequisite to be stated in the advertisement. Yeah sure, this is typical of the typical Malay Muslims. They are mostly insecure and feel threatened from all sides due to their own vulnerability, yet at the same time they are doing nothing to improve themselves but to leave it to God, for surely the good will triumph over evil like how they always think.
Even though the good is doing nothing rather than living in their false perception that they are the real Muslims, the follower and protector of Islam.
The Securities Commission categorized Metro Kajang as a company that have part of its business involved in non-Halal environment. This is stated as guidance to Muslims who might wish to invest or buy shares of the company. Metro Kajang is not syariah compliant and investment organization such as the Tabung Haji won’t invest the money of future Hajj in Metro Kajang.
Apart from the more well known property development in which the company is involve with, Metro Kajang is also involve in meat processing and food manufacturing. Their processing and manufacturing plant in Batang Berjuntai processed tonnes of pork meat for sales locally and abroad.
So any Malays, who still think they deserved to apply for the job in the name of equality and fairness regardless of race and religion, please do so.
I won’t of course, though how liberal or open minded I can be. Hell, give me beer anytime and I may drink it if I want to, give me a bowl of bak kut teh and I won’t eat it no matter what.
The latest hoo-ha to hit our fragile harmony of multi-ethnic Malaysia is the job vacancies advertisement by Metro Kajang Holdings Berhad published in The Star newspaper on 2 June 2007. Three job vacancies for the positions of Quality Assurance Manager, Marketing Manager and Accounts Executive stated one of the requirements that “those in the Muslim faith need not apply”.
Needless to say that simple prerequisite is enough to invite all the bombardment of the local Muslims, notably Malays who are the so-called protector of the Muslim faith in Malaysia (against heretic like Lina Joy?).
An e-mail titled “Mereka Mula Mencabar” (They Have Challenged) was spread widely and calls for action to be taken against the company were voiced out in website like Harakah and Persatuan Pengguna Islam Malaysia.
None of those who voiced out their concern and dissatisfaction seems to at least investigate the reason for such prerequisite to be stated in the advertisement. Yeah sure, this is typical of the typical Malay Muslims. They are mostly insecure and feel threatened from all sides due to their own vulnerability, yet at the same time they are doing nothing to improve themselves but to leave it to God, for surely the good will triumph over evil like how they always think.
Even though the good is doing nothing rather than living in their false perception that they are the real Muslims, the follower and protector of Islam.
The Securities Commission categorized Metro Kajang as a company that have part of its business involved in non-Halal environment. This is stated as guidance to Muslims who might wish to invest or buy shares of the company. Metro Kajang is not syariah compliant and investment organization such as the Tabung Haji won’t invest the money of future Hajj in Metro Kajang.
Apart from the more well known property development in which the company is involve with, Metro Kajang is also involve in meat processing and food manufacturing. Their processing and manufacturing plant in Batang Berjuntai processed tonnes of pork meat for sales locally and abroad.
So any Malays, who still think they deserved to apply for the job in the name of equality and fairness regardless of race and religion, please do so.
I won’t of course, though how liberal or open minded I can be. Hell, give me beer anytime and I may drink it if I want to, give me a bowl of bak kut teh and I won’t eat it no matter what.
11 June 2007
I Thought SMART Can Handle This?
I arrived to work this morning greeted by the similar view I have came across couple of time before since working at the Masjid Jamek area.
The whole goddamn has just been flooded, again. And this so far as I can recall is about the third or fourth time it happened for this year alone. The whole area is in a fucking mess.
Main glass door entrance to the CIMB Bank Jalan Tun Perak was smashed, most likely by pressure from flood water. The whole banking hall is covered with mud. The same goes to the Guardian store where they have their shutter door wrecked by the flood. McDonald’s Jalan Tun Perak has been closed from business today, perhaps due to the damage caused by the flood. I wonder how many hamburgers have been lost there. The same goes to three mamak joints in the area, Restoran Jamek, Shahira and Maju Curry House. Kiosk Convenience store was not spared either.
But the damage is much more apparent at the Masjid Jamek itself. The whole mosque area is covered with mud with all sort of rubbish scattered all over the place, even at the open air praying hall.
Even the Bar Council was flooded too. They have their files and documents stored at the basement of the building, some smart ass decided that even when he or she knows that the Masjid Jamek area is prone to flood during heavy storm.
Wonder what happened to the mat gian who stayed under the Jalan Tun Perak Bridge getting high on drug, could they all have been wiped by the rising water in the Klang River? Maybe those poor chaps are floating somewhere near Port Klang now.
The only thing that I regret is that the flood happened on Sunday evening. It should have happened this Monday morning, so I can stay at home lying on the bed. Should have chosen better time to flood.
The whole goddamn has just been flooded, again. And this so far as I can recall is about the third or fourth time it happened for this year alone. The whole area is in a fucking mess.
Main glass door entrance to the CIMB Bank Jalan Tun Perak was smashed, most likely by pressure from flood water. The whole banking hall is covered with mud. The same goes to the Guardian store where they have their shutter door wrecked by the flood. McDonald’s Jalan Tun Perak has been closed from business today, perhaps due to the damage caused by the flood. I wonder how many hamburgers have been lost there. The same goes to three mamak joints in the area, Restoran Jamek, Shahira and Maju Curry House. Kiosk Convenience store was not spared either.
But the damage is much more apparent at the Masjid Jamek itself. The whole mosque area is covered with mud with all sort of rubbish scattered all over the place, even at the open air praying hall.
Even the Bar Council was flooded too. They have their files and documents stored at the basement of the building, some smart ass decided that even when he or she knows that the Masjid Jamek area is prone to flood during heavy storm.
Wonder what happened to the mat gian who stayed under the Jalan Tun Perak Bridge getting high on drug, could they all have been wiped by the rising water in the Klang River? Maybe those poor chaps are floating somewhere near Port Klang now.
The only thing that I regret is that the flood happened on Sunday evening. It should have happened this Monday morning, so I can stay at home lying on the bed. Should have chosen better time to flood.
So I was wondering, I thought the fucking SMART Tunnel is supposed to be able to handle this crap?
Picture taken from The Star
06 June 2007
Pak Lah Kahwin Lagi!
You must give credit when it is due, and to our PM I give the credit today for his decision to get marry this 9 June.
Just after making his statement that Muslim do believes that Jesus was born on 25th December in the aftermath of Lina Joy issue, Pak Lah will marry Jeanne Abdullah who herself just converted to Islam. How ironic...
The Bloomberg news agency mentioned Jeanne who "was born in Kuala Lumpur and has ``extensive experience'' in administration and hotel management, having worked for the Hilton and Pan Pacific hotels in Kuala Lumpur".
I am however unable to dig if the "extensive experience" also cover the other "skill".
Just after making his statement that Muslim do believes that Jesus was born on 25th December in the aftermath of Lina Joy issue, Pak Lah will marry Jeanne Abdullah who herself just converted to Islam. How ironic...
The Bloomberg news agency mentioned Jeanne who "was born in Kuala Lumpur and has ``extensive experience'' in administration and hotel management, having worked for the Hilton and Pan Pacific hotels in Kuala Lumpur".
I am however unable to dig if the "extensive experience" also cover the other "skill".
Jose Rizal and Cheska Garcia
If Jose Rizal is known as “The Pride of the Malay Race”, then how come he was a Catholic?
We have always considered our Filipino friends as part of the Malay race, but majority of them are Catholics. So what is wrong if we have Malay who is not a Muslim?
The whole ideas of you have to be a Muslim to be considered as Malay is ridiculous.
Malay can be of any religion, like Filipino actress and model Cheska Garcia.
Now that is one hot Catholic-Filipino-Malay girl!
05 June 2007
Pak Lah Sudah Murtad!
I still remember during my days studying at a sekolah agama in Perak, when my ustaz used to tell me it is haram to celebrate New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day and Christmas because all these celebrations are for Christians. We all will turn to be murtad if we do celebrate it, as celebrating means that you believe in it.
It is common that everything that got to do with Christianity is absurd in Islam. This despite the fact that the two beliefs sometime can be closely associated with one another. The Muslims always fear the Christians, their missionary, church, MTV and Freddie Mercury (my ustaz have sworn eternal enemy with him, reason I do not know why). And the Christians always fear the Muslims, their suicide bombers, purdah and beards. Put the Jews into this picture and there you have the un-holy three sided quarrel that has been going on for thousand of years.
I believed my ustaz at first, but as I get smarter I know I would do better than believing a fat bearded man who drives a Nissan Vanette van, have a wife who smells and six misbehave kids (and also plan to have a second wife, ‘sunnah nabi’ he said). Yes most religious zealots are like that, that’s why he is not happy when I told him I would drive Nissan Skyline instead and have a girlfriend who wears mini-skirt and smell of Escada Rockin’ Rio when I grow up.
I mean, he is telling me this and that is haram and incorrect just because it got to do with Christianity. But he failed to tell me why.
I have learned that New Year is just another celebration to mark another year of the Gregorian calendar. Valentine’s Day is just another marketing ploy by the capitalists to sell roses at ridiculous price and no more got anything much to do with Saint Valentine. And lastly Christmas actually originated from the pagan celebration pre-Christianity to mark the beginning of the winter solstice (some other religious zealot from the Christian side made up the story of Jesus birthday). See, I am not stupid to believe the bullshits my ustaz told me. Whether you celebrate it or not, it won’t turn you into Christian overnight
But Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, the beloved Prime Minister, is different. He grew up listening to his ustaz, end up being chauffeured around in Proton Perdana and is now an eligible bachelor (duda). He also went to Australia to set up a nasi kandar joint, shop for durians at Langkawi with PM of Singapore and proclaimed that Muslims also believe the birthday of Jesus aka Nabi Isa is on the 25th of December!
I believe right now my ustaz (the fat bearded man, Nissan Vanette, smelly wife plus 6 kids) have issued the fatwa that since PM of Malaysia have declared that he believes in Christmas Day, he have gone murtad and it is now the duty of every Muslims to arrest him, shove an iron rod into his anus and push it upward till it comes out from his mouth. I bet my ustaz is preaching this to the Form One students of the sekolah agama right now.
But let’s not issue the fatwa as yet. I for once won’t believe it that 25th December is Jesus birthday, not because I’m a Muslim but because we know the birthday story is all made up. Made up?
Contrary to popular belief, there is no exact proof that Jesus was born on 25th December. The origin of Christmas is actually from pagan celebration prior to the rise of Christianity, dating back to the age of the Roman Empire where it was celebrated to welcome the winter solstice. This celebration is known as Saturnalia. It was also celebrated as Dies Natalis Solis Invicti (Birthday of Unconquered Sun) to mark the birth of Mithras.
Who the hell is Mithras?
Before Christianity became the dominant religion in the Western civilization, Mithraism is the widely practised belief. This is the religion of the Roman Empire and it is from Mithraism where most practices and festivities of Christianity todays are derived from. One of the most significant conversions of Mithraism belief into Christianity is the birthday of Mithras on 25th December which was later turned into the birthday of Jesus.
And then we have Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, a man of Malay Muslim origin, leader of an Islamic country known as Malaysia which have just denied one of its citizen freedom to choose her religion, saying the we Muslims also believe 25th December as the date for the birth if Jesus.
If you are well-informed and didn’t just rely on the teaching of your ustaz or ustazah, you will also know there are many other things which actually originated from Mithraism but copied by Christianity. The adoption of the cross symbol, crucifixion, baptism, breaking of bread and wine among others are the rituals that was originally practised in Mithraism but later taken into Christianity. Even the concept of both religions share many similarities.
So why the similarities? Christianity at its early stage was a minor religion compared to Mithraism. In order to attract people to convert, Christian preachers try to incorporate some rituals in Mithraism to create similarities between these two religions. Only when the Roman Emperor Theodosius the Great (who is a Christian) issued an edict to banned paganism, Christianity rose rapidly and takes its place as the dominant religion in the West. The Christians saw opportunity on this and seek to influence the authority to suppress believers of Mithraism, they were forced to convert or face prosecution. Mithraism then was ceased to exist, but the same rituals and tradition taken from Mithraism remain as part of Christian’s practices even until today.
So that is how the story goes in short version (the version which our PM would be able to grasp easily).
Of course Pope Benedict will rebut my version of history, who wants to admit that their religious rituals and tradition were plagiarised from some pagan belief? They have their own history but I know Christianity today is as corrupt as you can ever imagine.
But our PM should have done his research first before coming out with the statement. And he also went as far as claiming that we (Muslims) know the birthday of other prophets as well but we do not celebrate them. Whose birthday? Gosh I bet this guy must have some book with him about history of the prophets, like their exact birth date, place of birth and such? And we the rest of the world does not know this because it is protected under the Official Secret Act (OSA)?
That’s why you need to get your facts right. When you try to learn and understand, you will know the truth instead of just labelling this and that as haram, or in case of our beloved PM, you won’t get caught making some stupid statement.
But then, to take this issue from the point of the religious zealot likes my ustaz (the fat bearded man, Nissan Vanette, smelly wife plus 6 kids), Abdullah statement that he believes the birthday of Jesus aka Nabi Isa on the 25th December had automatically turned him into a murtad.
I bet a Nissan Vanette full of jihad fighters have just rolled out from the sekolah agama compound.
It is common that everything that got to do with Christianity is absurd in Islam. This despite the fact that the two beliefs sometime can be closely associated with one another. The Muslims always fear the Christians, their missionary, church, MTV and Freddie Mercury (my ustaz have sworn eternal enemy with him, reason I do not know why). And the Christians always fear the Muslims, their suicide bombers, purdah and beards. Put the Jews into this picture and there you have the un-holy three sided quarrel that has been going on for thousand of years.
I believed my ustaz at first, but as I get smarter I know I would do better than believing a fat bearded man who drives a Nissan Vanette van, have a wife who smells and six misbehave kids (and also plan to have a second wife, ‘sunnah nabi’ he said). Yes most religious zealots are like that, that’s why he is not happy when I told him I would drive Nissan Skyline instead and have a girlfriend who wears mini-skirt and smell of Escada Rockin’ Rio when I grow up.
I mean, he is telling me this and that is haram and incorrect just because it got to do with Christianity. But he failed to tell me why.
I have learned that New Year is just another celebration to mark another year of the Gregorian calendar. Valentine’s Day is just another marketing ploy by the capitalists to sell roses at ridiculous price and no more got anything much to do with Saint Valentine. And lastly Christmas actually originated from the pagan celebration pre-Christianity to mark the beginning of the winter solstice (some other religious zealot from the Christian side made up the story of Jesus birthday). See, I am not stupid to believe the bullshits my ustaz told me. Whether you celebrate it or not, it won’t turn you into Christian overnight
But Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, the beloved Prime Minister, is different. He grew up listening to his ustaz, end up being chauffeured around in Proton Perdana and is now an eligible bachelor (duda). He also went to Australia to set up a nasi kandar joint, shop for durians at Langkawi with PM of Singapore and proclaimed that Muslims also believe the birthday of Jesus aka Nabi Isa is on the 25th of December!
I believe right now my ustaz (the fat bearded man, Nissan Vanette, smelly wife plus 6 kids) have issued the fatwa that since PM of Malaysia have declared that he believes in Christmas Day, he have gone murtad and it is now the duty of every Muslims to arrest him, shove an iron rod into his anus and push it upward till it comes out from his mouth. I bet my ustaz is preaching this to the Form One students of the sekolah agama right now.
But let’s not issue the fatwa as yet. I for once won’t believe it that 25th December is Jesus birthday, not because I’m a Muslim but because we know the birthday story is all made up. Made up?
Contrary to popular belief, there is no exact proof that Jesus was born on 25th December. The origin of Christmas is actually from pagan celebration prior to the rise of Christianity, dating back to the age of the Roman Empire where it was celebrated to welcome the winter solstice. This celebration is known as Saturnalia. It was also celebrated as Dies Natalis Solis Invicti (Birthday of Unconquered Sun) to mark the birth of Mithras.
Who the hell is Mithras?
Before Christianity became the dominant religion in the Western civilization, Mithraism is the widely practised belief. This is the religion of the Roman Empire and it is from Mithraism where most practices and festivities of Christianity todays are derived from. One of the most significant conversions of Mithraism belief into Christianity is the birthday of Mithras on 25th December which was later turned into the birthday of Jesus.
And then we have Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, a man of Malay Muslim origin, leader of an Islamic country known as Malaysia which have just denied one of its citizen freedom to choose her religion, saying the we Muslims also believe 25th December as the date for the birth if Jesus.
If you are well-informed and didn’t just rely on the teaching of your ustaz or ustazah, you will also know there are many other things which actually originated from Mithraism but copied by Christianity. The adoption of the cross symbol, crucifixion, baptism, breaking of bread and wine among others are the rituals that was originally practised in Mithraism but later taken into Christianity. Even the concept of both religions share many similarities.
So why the similarities? Christianity at its early stage was a minor religion compared to Mithraism. In order to attract people to convert, Christian preachers try to incorporate some rituals in Mithraism to create similarities between these two religions. Only when the Roman Emperor Theodosius the Great (who is a Christian) issued an edict to banned paganism, Christianity rose rapidly and takes its place as the dominant religion in the West. The Christians saw opportunity on this and seek to influence the authority to suppress believers of Mithraism, they were forced to convert or face prosecution. Mithraism then was ceased to exist, but the same rituals and tradition taken from Mithraism remain as part of Christian’s practices even until today.
So that is how the story goes in short version (the version which our PM would be able to grasp easily).
Of course Pope Benedict will rebut my version of history, who wants to admit that their religious rituals and tradition were plagiarised from some pagan belief? They have their own history but I know Christianity today is as corrupt as you can ever imagine.
But our PM should have done his research first before coming out with the statement. And he also went as far as claiming that we (Muslims) know the birthday of other prophets as well but we do not celebrate them. Whose birthday? Gosh I bet this guy must have some book with him about history of the prophets, like their exact birth date, place of birth and such? And we the rest of the world does not know this because it is protected under the Official Secret Act (OSA)?
That’s why you need to get your facts right. When you try to learn and understand, you will know the truth instead of just labelling this and that as haram, or in case of our beloved PM, you won’t get caught making some stupid statement.
But then, to take this issue from the point of the religious zealot likes my ustaz (the fat bearded man, Nissan Vanette, smelly wife plus 6 kids), Abdullah statement that he believes the birthday of Jesus aka Nabi Isa on the 25th December had automatically turned him into a murtad.
I bet a Nissan Vanette full of jihad fighters have just rolled out from the sekolah agama compound.
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